nerdology.org

Never Write "It's Been a While…" Posts

Wow. I just gleeked all over my computer.

That aside, one of the first rules of non-mediocre blogging is to never write “It’s Been a While…” posts. First off, go search that term in the WordPress search engine and tell me the results. Yes– that’s 6.2 million. And 90% of them are all the same:

Sorry, it’s been a while. I’ve just gotten so busy that I haven’t found time to write! So I’ll hurry and update you on what’s happened to me (even though nobody will care to read it):

• This
• This
• This
• This
• This
• And this

Oh, and I can’t forget that!

Anyway, I’m going to do a lot better at keeping up with this blog– just you watch. I’ll write three more posts in the next week, and then you won’t hear from me until 2012.

–The Blog of Your Average Internet Citizen

So, with these thoughts in mind, you can just imagine what came to me when I impulsively put some bread in the toaster oven and some water in the old blue pot (due to the cold weather that’s been settling upon the Salt Lake Valley during the nights):

Ooo… toast, precious? And hot chocolate? We should go write something on our blog– yes, precious, we should.

–My First Thought

Any true author knows that hot chocolate in a sophisticated mug and a plate o’ buttered toast is just what the mind needs to digest; then it regurgitates words.

It’s been a while since we’ve written, gollum, gollum.

–My Second Thought

Well, it has.

Stupid, fat bloggerses! Always posting nasty posts that are all the same, gollum! Always saying sorry for not writing! We hates them!

–My Ultimate Thought

Gollum’s right, you know. When you say you’re sorry for not writing, you’re only apologizing to yourself because nobody else thought about you while you were gone. That’s not said out of pomp or rudeness, mind you– it’s merely a fact of the online blogging world. What one blogger fails to do another one fulfills.

So. I’ve written this post to tell all two loyal imaginary readers that I’m not going to write a post apologizing to you for not writing for all of this time.